I Don’t Have Poop

This is what my kid says when we ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom.

He never ‘has poop’.

Oddly enough, later I find a whole lot of poop in his training pants.

I don’t know why we moved him over to those, he has yet to do business in the potty. But he is of potty training age, so I keep thinking, you know, fake it ’til you make it!

Oh boy, as I write this, I realize this may come back to haunt him one day. What if he is at an interview and just after asking him what his previous job responsibilities were, they lean over their computer for a moment, look up and say ‘now, I see that your mother wrote a blog about how you ‘don’t have poop’. Is constipation a problem for you, Mr. Squishy Bug?’

…..eh, I’ll come back and delete it later.

But can I get some help, Universe? This potty training business is just crap.

We have read the books, we have talked to other parents, but no technique, practice, bribery or voodoo is moving this process along. He just doesn’t want to do it.

Oh wait, unless he is at daycare. Oh yeah, at daycare, they don’t even ask HIM, he asks THEM. To add insult to injury, he did it in front of my mother the other day.

He just casually walked up to his teacher, tugged on her pants leg, and said, ‘Ms. Teacher, I need to go to the potty.’ Then marched into the bathroom with teacher and did his business without a single blood-curdling scream.

And you know, it’s probably because he hates me. But I expected that, that is part of parenting I assumed. But why can’t he take it out on me in some other way? Like refusing to watch TV and continuing to read or count.

My kid is glorious, like everyone else’s child. But Squishy Bug, looks like a tiny Norse God. He has even taken to acting like one. My kid has never met a stranger (note to self: Stranger Danger Talk needs to happen soon), nor is he ever at a loss for words, even when he didn’t know many. My kid is a talker. But more so, he is a commander. And we are all just here to do his bidding.

The terminology is strong-willed. I know what you are thinking: all toddlers are. Well, sure. But I am talking strong-willed like a cat over a bathtub. He has skillfully defied every training method and discipline method we have employed. He can counter any argument with baffling logic. And when argument doesn’t work, he screams and kicks. And man, that kid is strong.

And potty training is the biggest issue of contention. Our pediatrician says it likely has something to do with the new baby, and there has been a lot of Mommy clinginess going on lately, but I have my doubts that he would have gone to the throne willingly had he been the only child.

So as much as I pride myself in my ability to research my way around any problem, this one has me stumped. Or more accurately, pooped.

We are fighting the good fight, though, so I continue to keep my sleeves rolled up and ask every day ‘do you need to go potty?’ and ‘do you have poop?’ and I just know, one day, he is going to look up at me with those big beautiful penetrating eyes of his and say ‘Mom, don’t embarrass me in front of my friends!’.