It’s My Birthday!

So it’s been a while since I’ve updated my super-mommy, career woman blog. That’s mostly because I’ve been, well, super-mommying and career womaning. Failing at both, but failure is the pathway to success, people, so I’m going to fail my way right to the top!

I’ve actually been reading a lot about failure when pursuing your goals. I think it’s something that everyone reflects on as their birthday looms, especially when your, ahem, turning 29 and some change, ahem.

A lady never reveals her age.

In my contemplation, I have discovered that I feel really good about where I am at in life. And when I’ve had doubts, I have had only to look at others around me for reassurance. The people that love me are proud and constantly give their praise. I can tell even more from those where there has been some love lost between us, because I oddly see them mimicking many of the actions that I have taken: starting a blog, writing a book, taking up causes, etc. And you know what they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

But even without the reassurance, I am proud of my accomplishments. I have accomplished the biggest goal of all, a healthy happy family. I didn’t just get married and have some kids, I married the guy I was madly in love with and had two beautiful amazing babies that we both had only dreamed of before.

Those three guys, there all I really need. I think a lot of my mommy friends would agree. I always wanted children, but you can’t really understand how fantastic they are until you have them. It’s like traveling. You can look at pictures and read about a place, but you don’t understand the magic of the place until you go there. And then it surprises you unexpectedly with lots of little things you never knew you needed.

That’s what children are like.

And my marriage is everything I wanted all those years ago when my Barbie and Ken first took that drive in her pink corvette. I have a partner in crime, someone who makes me laugh. We never get bored. It’s not always easy and we challenge each other. We will probably irritate each other right into the nursing home. I look forward to another 50 years of nagging him to put his shoes away and take out the trash. It’s been a John Cusack sort of romance.

But I’ve been blessed with so much more than that. My husband has this awesome job that keeps getting better and better. He is making more money than ever and he gets to travel all over the world. This is great for our finances, his given him confidence as a breadwinner, and BONUS I get to travel with him! Next year it’s Canadian Music Week and Brazil! How cool is that?

Then there’s my job. My career rather. I’m still building on it and learning, and it’s taken a long time to accept that I need to be here and not home with my kiddos, but I finally love what I do. Which is making a difference.

Global Warming is real, ya’ll, and we have to do something about it. For us, for our kids, for the good of humanity. It’s the right thing to do. And I’m lucky that I can be a small part of the solution, or at least work to be part of it.

36% of the energy usage and 65% of the electricity usage in the US is from buildings.  The company that I work for specializes in MEP engineering services with a sustainability approach. Basically, we are designing or commissioning your kid’s schools with more efficient AC units, lighting, and plumbing. As an individual, you can help the environment by reducing your own carbon footprint, but I am lucky enough to work in an industry where I can contribute to the larger picture, and that feels really good.

And then there’s my book. I finished it! I am not done editing yet, but I did finish it. And unlike the other two novels that I have written and put down, this one I feel is a keeper. It’s raw and needs a lot of work, but I feel strongly enough about it that I want to keep failing and failing until I succeed with it. Writing is my passion, it always has been. So I would be a fool not to persist. But I have to stop today and reflect on what I have already accomplished with it. I am always looking ahead at what I haven’t done yet, but today I can stop and say ‘I completed that. I wrote an entire novel.’ And that’s something to be proud of.

I have a million other blessings to reflect on today, family, my health, my dwindling waist line (hooray!), a new SUV, great friends, financial security, fun trips, birthday surprises, and lots of other things. But today I want to bask in these three things, the essence of what defines me.

And you know, they make me think that it’s a pretty good day to be another year older.

Why I Hate the Gluten Free Craze

My husband and I recently had a Facebook argument with some of our family and friends over gluten. It sure does sound silly when I write that down, but it did happen. The fact that it did happen gives credit to one of the many problems with what I call the Gluten Free Movement.

I wrote facetiously about gluten a while back here Gluten, but that was before our friends and family disowned us. Now, it’s personal, gluten nazis.

Let me preface this with an explanation of our family eating habits. My husband is a self-professed junk food junkie. He loves sodas and fast food. But he eats everything I make for him, and I cook pretty healthy. For real I do.

I am by contrast, drink copious amounts of water and I cut out excess sugar and carbohydrates wherever I can. Most of my meals are lean protein and veggie based. In addition, I run and lift weights every other day.

I feel great. But I never felt bad before when I went on a bread binge or ate pizza, either. So I am certain I do not have any sort of sensitivity to gluten. Nor does the rest of my cake-loving family.

So why am I so pissed off that everyone is ‘going gluten free’?

Because at a base level it is food snobbery. Like energy drinks, Starbucks and kale chips, it’s something that yuppies have adopted to feel superior. It’s the idea that if it costs more and is difficult to find, it has value.

Now, before you send me hate mail, let me clarify that I am not ignorant of Celiac disease and gluten allergies. But only about 1% of our population has Celiac disease, and about that same percentage have the lesser diagnosed gluten allergy. Gluten DOES make these people sick.

I get that.

But I don’t think everyone does.

People with Celiac disease, and even gluten allergies, don’t just have tummy aches after eating a sandwich. They have severe intestinal issues that are debilitating. They often loose unhealthy amounts of weight, suffer from chronic headaches, loss of bone density, and often have anemia. These symptoms should not be ignored, and if someone is suffering from them they should see their doctor.

Because you can get tested for Celiac disease. You can even get tested for a gluten allergy.

The problem is, there is a large part of the population that doesn’t fall into this category. Actually about 95-98% from the medical journals I have consulted.  But a lot them claim to have a gluten intolerance.

I think many of these people are confusing gluten-free with a low-carb diet. I typically eat low-carb for at least one meal a day, and I feel less bloated and have more energy. But if there is cake in the office kitchen, I can eat the heck out of it and the only side effect is guilt.

Aside from food elitists and low-carb confusion, I think a large amount of people are jumping on this bandwagon because of peer pressure.

Your best friend just ordered a gluten-free salad, so you probably should too if you want to fit in. These are the same folks that got the Rachel cut, drank red bull and vodka, and use #Yolo.

Everybody can’t be an Alpha Dog.

And that’s ok, but when it comes to making dietary changes, people should get informed before they follow the crowd.

Few seem to know what gluten is, and fewer have been tested for a gluten intolerance. But they read an article on msn that gluten is bad for them, and they immediately swear off gluten products. Then they start eliminating healthy foods from their diets, and what wasn’t a real health concern before has potentially become one now.

In fact, most doctors recommend that you be tested for a gluten intolerance before you chose to go on a gluten-free diet for this very reason.

It’s also not cheap to eliminate gluten from your diet.

Gluten free products typically cost more, and even focusing on a whole foods approach by buying fruits, vegetables and lean protein can be cost prohibitive when a lot of grains are eliminated from your normal diet.

And eating a lot of meat and produce is expensive. I know, because I try my darndest to make that the focus of my meals.

But I also have to feed three other family members, and we can’t afford to only eat fresh meats, fruits and veggies for every meal. Nor would my toddler go for that, although he does have weeks where he will only eat meat, eesh……..I digress.

So I find it rather offensive when someone encourages me to eliminate gluten. That’s what my husband and I (or maybe just me) were trying to get across to our friends any family.

It’s insulting to preach about gluten to us because we do not have an intolerance and eliminating it from our diet is cost prohibitive and likely unhealthy for us. It’s also elitist and fairly reckless. None of our gluten-free family and friends are doctors or scientists. While I applaud their efforts to lead a healthy lifestyle, I find their information to be misguided and potentially dangerous.

Why I am Choosing My Career

This blog has been all about how I am pursuing my dream to be a writer and leaving my engineering job so I can be home with my children, etc. etc. Weeeeellll, I’m not going to do that after all. I am not going to do the leaving my job part of it.

I’m still writing my novel and looking for freelance work, but I made the hard decision to stay at my full time job.

Why? Well, mostly this article: Regrets of a Stay-at-home Mom

Now, there are a lot of differences between the woman in this article and me. The biggest and most important difference is our career choice. I am in a career that, with the right experience and education, is completely recession proof. No one is fighting over engineering jobs. I have watched over half of my colleagues being courted by firms and moving on to bigger and better jobs in our industry. It’s a good place to be. It’s stable and it’s in demand.

This woman in the article is a writer. I envy her that. And she seems to have a fine resume full of accomplishments and clout. But it appears that her career path would have gone into a valley regardless of whether or not she had stayed at home with her children. Unfortunately, no one is really getting paid to write anymore.

She also stayed home for over a decade and experienced a divorce. While divorce is a variable no one can control, as I modern career woman I do not think I could stay home that long. I love my children, but once they are in school and pursuing their own interests, I want to devote more time to mine. And the number one interest is my career. Would I stay home through those first few years of school? Maybe. Middle School? No way. Not when I could contribute to our household.

But, that last bit, contributing to the household, that’s the kicker. That’s why I decided not to quit my job. We have bills and debt and financial goals just like everyone else. But I bring in half of our income, which also includes insurance for me and the children, as well as a company matching retirement plan and life insurance plan. I would lose all of it.

The stress of going to work each day would go away only to be replaced by the financial stress of making ends meet. My husband and I argue from time to time, but one thing we never have to argue about is finances, and for that I am grateful.

Plus, there is that nasty ‘re-entry’ process to the workforce that I imagine is worse than re-entry to the Earth’s atmosphere. At least the atmosphere doesn’t scrutinize the gap in your employment history.

So right now, I am still working the daily grind, dropping my kids off at daycare, and just trying to keep my cape straight. Will I continue doing this next year, or even next month? Who knows, but for now, I have to do what is best for me and my family.

But if my husband invents something and sells it for a billion dollars, then its SEEYA!

The Color of My Mood is Tired

Today is one of those ‘highly productive days’ where I make list after list and then sit and stare at baby socks on Zulily while I eat yogurt. I did finish reading Tina Fey‘s Bossypants, which makes me think these two thoughts:

1. – ‘I can totally be that funny’

2. ‘Tina Fey and I would be friends if we lived in the same city.’

If I’m honest, I’m only funny when I’m a little drunk and simultaneously a little sick. Give me a few glasses of Pinot during flu season, and you will laugh your guts out. Guts will just be everywhere. And it will be hilarious.

Tina Fey and I probably wouldn’t even be friends if we lived in the same building. Likely because I would be an indentured servant of some type and everyone knows I don’t  ‘do well’ with ‘authority figures’.

But still, it’s a nice thought. Because you know, I think she gets me. She probably gets you too. And that’s all we really want, right? Is somebody to get us. Yep, we are all just a bunch of lonely snowflakes desperate to be understood.

No one at work gets me. But to be fair, my appearance these days may have a little to do with that.

I come in looking like Smee everyday. I don’t know why this is my outfit of choice, but it probably has something to do with these tan cargo ankle pants being the only maternity pants I can wear right now. I have also purchased some large, tortoise cat-eye glasses that I wear everywhere.  I typically top off this ensemble with a dirty pony tale.

I am the poster child for Xanax. I have become a stereotype.

Which is why her book was a nice warm fuzzy.

But look she’s not really trying to relate to anybody, she’s just a funny, self-deprecating woman who made a name for herself.

It’s encouraging. It’s relatable. It’s familiar. The way good comedy should be.

I didn’t intend for this to be a book review, but I guess we are there. Go read Bossypants! Now!

Now back to me. I am a tad bit of a mess. I mostly blame Panda, who has kept me up the past few nights screaming bloody murder. I have narrowed down the causes to either allergy-related drainage and sore throat or Game of Thrones withdrawal. I might be projecting.

But regardless, it is a problem. I am dragging in to work clearly dressed unprofessionally for anyone but a cartoon pirate. Then I zombie eat at my desk while I aimlessly examine the internet.

I’m too exhausted. I’m too exhausted to even hide under my desk and take a nap. I am beyond that. I am William Hurt, regressing back to a single cell organism.

I had weirdo dreams about William Hurt for years, actually. Not sex dreams. Like weird, May-November romance dreams where he was always checking on me to make sure my self-destructive 20-year-old self was ok then he would leave sad because he was JUST TOO CLOSE. I am melodramatic and awkward even when I dream.

So what is an unproductive, sleep-deprived feminist to do? That’s not rhetorical, I need an answer. I just spent the last five minutes staring out my office window thinking about donuts.

I think maybe we call this one a loss and try again tomorrow. Now back to those socks.

 

 

Poll: Do You Regret Becoming a Stay-At-Home Mom?

Hi Moms, I am doing a survey to collect data on working moms that either became stay-at-home moms or worked part-time when they had their children, and if they had difficulty re-entering the workforce later in life. This is what I want to know:

1. what your profession was/is
2. if you went back to work full-time after having children
3. how long it took you to secure a job once you began your search
4. whether or not your salary was comparable to your previous salary

Please leave your info in the comment section, and anything additional you want to add is welcomed. Thanks Moms!

I Have Adult ADHD

I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but I know I am a copay away from ADHD. I even stopped after writing the first sentence of this post to go to the kitchen. I get distracted by anything and everything.

Food is my main problem. Anything with sugar will pull me away from writing in a split second.

But I am also distracted by blog related things, like marketing and whatnot. Instead of adding content, I’m like, ‘do I need a Tumblr for my blog?’ who knows, but I’ll just sign up for it anyway.

Focusing on my real work is even more difficult. I do all kinds of mental pep talks in the morning to get me motivated and ready.

‘Ok, today you are going to get that review done and then spend an hour writing your novel! you can do it!’

and

‘spend just thirty minutes working on your presentation, then you can take a break. Just thirty minutes, that’s all.’

See, I even bargain with myself. It’s useless, though, I am the last person I am going to listen to.

What’s amazing about my Adult ADHD, though, is my ability to make lists. No kidding, I can make a dozen lists a day, no problem. I even spend time thinking and formulating those lists, drafting and redrafting until I have the perfect list.

Only to totally disregard them and make another list.

I wonder if they are going to give me Ritalin, do they still do that? That might actually be awesome, because then I could finish my novel in one night.

I have a very low pill tolerance. I get sleepy after taking a Tylenol.

I just imagine myself lounging around the house in an apron, popping Ritalin and drinking martinis while my kids run around tearing the house apart.

It sounds fun, really, but I guess I don’t want to end up in rehab while some other soccer mom takes my kids to practice.

kid: Why doesn’t Squishy Bug’s mom ever take us to soccer?

Judgey Soccer Mom: Because honey, Squishy Bug’s mom is at a camp for adults that have no self-control.

kid: What’s self-control?

Judgey and Angry Soccer Mom: It’s what Mommy uses when Daddy doesn’t put a garbage bag in the garbage can even though Mommy has told him every single day since they got married.

kid who will probably need therapy: oh.

I read up on adult ADHD last night and I think there is a slim case I have it probably. Which is a shame, I guess, because I think it would be really cool to finish my novel in a night. However, I probably would be a real drag the next day.

In any case, I should probably do what you should do with any type of illness, get more sleep (hahahahaha, NEXT), eat better, exercise, and organize my work into lists…….got that one down!

Now for some work. Or maybe I’ll make a list. Squirrel!

 

I’m Sorry Blog

Neglect thy name is Mommyverse. I have really let the grass grow over here for the past two weeks. And I am going to have to let it grow a little longer until Monday. In short this week has been mountains of work, parents and babies, finger tumors and blood work. I’ll elaborate later. Thanks for checking in, though. Happy 4th everybody!

Vacation

Well we finally made it back from our little ‘vacation’.

We have untied the frayed rope from the back bumper and are back safe and sound. Thank all that is holy.

The thing that I am learning about vacations when you have children is that they aren’t really vacations. In fact, they are often worse than being at work. They should be called Mandatory Family Retreats and we should be paid for them if everyone makes it home alive.

It was just a trip to my parents’ place. It’s not like I tried to take my kids diving with sharks.

I do think that would have been more pleasant, though.

The trip started off ok. Squishy Bug and Panda Bear slept the first 4 or 5 hours of the drive, at which point we met my parents half way. 

Then it got really hot. And then Squishy Bug woke up. And Panda woke up. Chaos ensued. There was screaming, crying and gnashing of teeth. 

But we finished the drive without any major disaster, just sweaty and a little tired.

Hooray! Now SB could run and play outside! But wait, what’s that? Rain. Awesome. 

So now my kid is cooped up for almost three days while it storms on 10 perfectly green acres of land with every animal a kid could wish to play with. All was not lost, though, because the sun peaked out most mornings and he was able to play enough to get a sunburn. 

I was settling into some couch time while my parents watched the kids when I realized I had a sore throat.  I also have a strange injury that won’t heal. So I am feeling terrible. That’s awesome. 

Then my Dad becomes curious about why we were so hot on the last leg of that drive and he checks out my AC.

Diagnosis? It’s broken. 

So we take it to shop. Where it spends 4 days baffling every mechanic there. 

Meanwhile, I am trying to get online to work but guess what? It’s down and ATT hates my parents so they don’t do a darn thing about it the entire week. 

So I am sick and trapped in the stormy woods with no internet, my parents, an infant and a grumpy toddler. 

Finally my car was fixed so we could go home. Of course the sun came out then. 

But determined not to be defeated by Acts of God, I rush SB outside to get in a last few hours of play. 

My father warns, though, to watch out for fire ants. Pfft! I was raised in the country, I know how to stay out of fire ant beds. 

Then Squishy Bug interrupts my reverie to scream in pain. 

He is covered in fire ants. I wash him off in the baby pool and that really pisses them off. Now my child is covered in tiny red welps all over his body. 

Mother of the Year, people, Mother of the Freaking Year.

My mother saves the day with a trip to the pharmacy, and after a bath, Benadryl, and plenty of Cortizone, he is comfortable again. 

Then we pack it all up and drive the 7,000 miles back home to ATX. 

So glad to be home. Sleep? oh no, those kids slept all the way back, so they are all charged up and will be awake until Monday. So I guess I will have to wait until next week to get any sleep as well. 

yay vacation. 

 

 

 

Road Trip

I am finally take some vacation. You may be thinking exotic beach, or romantic European getaway. Of course you are wrong. I am taking 3 precious days of my vacation to drive my kiddos to see my parents a few states over. 

yay. 

I am actually excited, though. I haven’t been anywhere this entire year, not even another city. So I am looking forward to the road trip.

I am not looking forward to trying to use the bathroom at a gas station with a toddler and an infant. 

Last night was spent working the logistics of this bathroom break that I will need to take multiple times. I came to the conclusion that I will be totally dependent on handicapped stalls without clearance for Squishy Bug to slide under. 

I am also considering buying a toddler leash.

My husband thinks they are inhumane. I’m not sure that he understands were they are attached to the todder, though.

In any case, it is going to interesting. 

Breastfeeding will also be interesting. I haven’t quite worked that one out yet, but I am also sure someone will be offended by my mammaries this time tomorrow. 

That’s it for today, gotta go pack!

Daycare Is Good For Some Children

On an ordinary day this working mom gets up at 6am, earlier if the baby decides to nurse in the wee hours of the night. But by 6am, if she isn’t awake, I wake her, feed her, change her, and get her situated in the bassinet so I can get Squishy Bug’s food and bag ready for daycare, and my lunch for the day.

Then Daddy gets up and makes breakfast while I wake and change Squishy Bug, then he and I and Panda have some snuggle time on the couch for a few minutes before I dash around getting dressed for work. Daddy gets Squishy Bug dressed while I get Panda settled in her carrier and put ALL the bags in the car, including all my pumping gear.

Then we are off to daycare. I get them settled then finally I make my commute to work.

I spend my day working, mostly, and worrying missing my children.

Now we love our daycare, and have grown close to a lot of the caregivers there, so I am never worried about their health and safety. Squishy Bug also has a wonderful teacher that works with the children to prepare them for preschool and kindergarten, which even surprised us in a fairly generic childcare franchise. 

Overall, we have been pleased with our experience with childcare. 

But like every mom, you always fear that your separation from them will affect their development. That maybe they won’t have the advantage that other children do that stayed home with their mothers prior to entering school. 

Then I read this article Monday and took a big ole sigh of relief. Working Moms May Be Helping Their Kids. 

It seems that for lower income families, daycare might give their children an advantage when entering school. It seemed to have little to no effect on middle income families, and only the higher income families seemed to benefit more from a stay-at-home parent. 

The American population is predominately composed of lower and middle income families, so that is really good news, people.

You know what else it means? It means that our lawmakers and business owners should provide more incentive for most working moms to return to work after they have children if they want them to be prepared for the classroom.

You know where I am going with this, don’t you?

Statistically mothers who stay home with their children after childbirth for an ample period of time to establish breastfeeding continue to breastfeed, providing the recommended nutrition their child needs. 

But what leave also means for mothers is time to let their body heal and adapt to baby’s schedule. 

I took off 8 weeks with both of my children. Personally, it was not enough in either case. My body had not recovered enough the first time, and I was still in the bonding process and establishing nursing patterns with the second. 

Another key factor? We don’t start important vaccinations in this country until the second month. So I actually had to find at home care for my children for a week while I returned to work due to the fact that they had not been vaccinated yet and could not enter daycare.

And I spent all stressful 8 weeks worrying about work and whether or not they were going to pay me or not. It was never agreed to and because my company has less than 50 employees, they are not required by FMLA. 

Turns out they did pay me. It also turns out that it was probably a clerical error and they had intended not to pay me. Which is why I never dared ask for more time off. 

During all that, my husband and I constantly discussed whether or not it would be worth it for me to quit. That would mean drastically paring down our lifestyle to only necessities and moving somewhere cheaper. It was more of a sacrifice than we could make without preparation. So we did the daycare shuffle and I drug my weary body back to work. 

My opinion now is that all women should be guaranteed 12 weeks of PAID maternal leave by law for any employee, regardless of time with the company, company size, or any other factor.

This should be the bare minimum of leave in our country and it should be paid.

It is pointless if it is not paid. 

Unpaid leave is income discrimination. My family couldn’t afford for me to take off an entire month without a pay check, and we fall comfortably in the middle income bracket. 

I can’t imagine what it is like for mothers with less income to make this decision. 

The government sarcastically offers 12 weeks off, but it’s unavailable to them because it is likely unpaid and they can’t afford to take care of a child if there is no income stream. 

Effectively, the FMLA is a Mean Girl. 

So what do a lot of these families do? The mothers quit their jobs.

They quit and then seek government support for their lack of income? I’m not an expert, but personally, that’s what I would do. 

So now we have mothers out of the workforce no longer contributing to the economy, and children being raised in lower income homes at home and entering school already unprepared. 

It doesn’t really make sense.

What does make sense is supporting our women so that they can nurture their children, then return to the workforce while their children are fostered and nurtured in childcare. 

It seems like that is what we should have been doing all along, doesn’t it?